Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

LLOOLL, Dumb and Dumber in Florida News

I found this hilarious article in The Pensacola News Journal

Bizarre news much the norm in Florida
BRENDAN FARRINGTON • ASSOCIATED PRESS • DECEMBER 30, 2009

TALLAHASSEE — You know you’re living in a weird state when the governor promotes a pay-per-minute sex chat line.

Or when a congressman asks the House speaker to move a day’s worth of votes so he can watch a college football game.

Or when employees at not just one, not two, but three state prisons use stun guns on their kids as part of “Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day.”

That’s Florida, once again making people snicker at its dumb criminals, strange animals and all-around oddness.

Gov. Charlie Crist was embarrassed when an on-hold recording he made transposed two numbers for an uninsured child helpline and callers instead were led to “horny” girls willing to talk about anything for just $2.99 a minute.

It wasn’t the only odd moment in politics. Rep. Cliff Stearns asked Speaker Nancy Pelosi to basically shut down Congress early so he and some of the Florida and Oklahoma House guys could go watch their teams in the national championship game. She said no.

Candidates for local offices were also embarrassed in 2009. A Miami Beach mayoral candidate was disqualified from the race after his qualifying check bounced, and a minister running for Belle Glade City Commission was charged with swinging a bat at a woman outside a polling place. He lost the election.

Two 8-year-old Alachua County boys made better use of their baseball bats — they successfully fought off a man armed with a gun who was threatening to kill the mother of one of the boys.

Booze A Factor
Alcohol seems to lead to a lot of Florida’s oddest stories.

Tampa police arrested a man who let his 12-year-old son drive his SUV so he could drink in the passenger seat.

A Marion County man was charged with driving under the influence after crashing a stolen riding lawnmower into a school bus.

A 22-year-old South Florida man climbed aboard a locomotive with a friend and took it seven miles down the tracks for a joy ride. They came up with the idea while heading to a local bar.

A Clearwater man was charged with drunken driving after police pulled him over for driving a car with only three tires.

Pasco County deputies arrested two men they said were fighting over $3 in gas money on the way home from a strip club. The weapons involved: a fish tank and a beer bottle.

In other random stories:

• A Lakeland eighth-grader was suspended from riding the school bus after farting to make other students laugh and badly stinking up the bus.

• A Melbourne-area woman changed diapers for a man who was faking disabilities. The man, whom she met through Craigslist, paid her $600 a week for the services. It took her three months to figure out he wasn’t disabled.

• The University of Florida’s disaster recovery plan included a section on dealing with zombies.

• DeLand authorities said a man strangled a pet rat after accusing his wife of taking his last cigarette and a Jensen Beach man was arrested after drenching his wife with a hose for smoking in the house.

• A woman sitting on a toilet in a Tampa restroom dropped her gun, which discharged and shot a woman sitting in another stall.

• Bank of America in Tampa refused to cash a check for a man born without arms because he couldn’t provide a thumbprint.

And finally, some readers might recall that a costumed Tigger was acquitted of charges he groped women at Disney World a few years ago. This year a 60-year-old man was convicted of groping Minnie Mouse at the same theme park.

Ahh, Florida, a whole new way of thinking . . . LLOOLLL!

I am dying laughing, what a way to end an old year and start a new one. I hope your celebrations are full of laughter and you keep your sense of humor through the coming New Year. :-)

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December 31, 2009 - Posted by | Cross Cultural, Florida, Humor, Law and Order, Living Conditions, Local Lore

4 Comments »

  1. LOL! dumb and dumber’er :P
    Have a great weekend and Happy New Year! :D

    Comment by Mathai | December 31, 2009 | Reply

  2. Glad you enjoyed this as much as I did, Mathai! Happy New Year!

    Comment by intlxpatr | December 31, 2009 | Reply

  3. Intlxpatr ;

    happy new year to you and to adventure man and all the best for 2010

    Comment by daggero | January 1, 2010 | Reply

  4. Thank you, Daggero, and all the best to you and your family in 2010, too! :-)

    Comment by intlxpatr | January 1, 2010 | Reply


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