Honestly, I don’t mind getting these; some of them just crack me up:
Department of Homeland Security (DHS)
Washington, DC 20528
US DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY
This is to Officially inform you that it has come to our notice and we have thoroughly completed an Investigated with the help of our Intelligence Monitoring Network System that you are having an illegal transaction with Impostors claiming to be Prof. Charles C. Soludo former Governor Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, Mr. Frank Nweke, none officials of Oceanic Bank, none officials of Zenith Bank and some impostors claiming to be the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) agents. During our Investigation, it came to our notice that the reason why you have not received your payment is because you have not fulfilled your Financial Obligation given to you in respect of your Contract/Inheritance Payment.
So therefore, we have contacted the Federal Ministry Of Finance on your behalf and they have brought a solution to your problem by coordinating your payment in the total amount of US$800,000.00 which will be deposited into an ATM CARD which you will use to withdraw funds anywhere of the world. You now have the lawful right to claim your funds which have been deposited into the ATM CARD.
Since the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has been involved in this transaction, you are now to be rest assured that this transaction is legitimate and completely risk-free as it is our duty to Protect and Serve citizens of the United States Of America. All you have to do is immediately contact the ATM CARD CENTER via E-mail for instructions on how to procure your Approval Slip which contains details on how to receive and activate your ATM CARD for immediate use to withdraw funds being paid to you.
The total amount for everything is US$300.00 (Three Hundred US Dollars). We have tried our possible best to indicate that this US$300.00 should be deducted from your funds, but we found out that the funds have already been deposited in an ATM CARD and cannot be accessed by anyone apart from you the beneficiary which the PIN would be released to. Therefore you will be required to pay the required fee to the Agent in-charge of this transaction via Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram International Transfer.
In order to proceed with this transaction, you will be required to contact the agent in-charge ( Mr. David Wills ) via e-mail. Kindly look below to find appropriate contact information:
NAME: Mr. David Wills
Immediately contact Mr. David Wills of the ATM Card Center with the following information:
Direct Telephone Number:
Once you have sent the required information to Mr. David Wills he will contact you with instructions on how to make the payment of US$300.00 for the Approval Slip after which he will proceed towards delivery of the ATM CARD without any further delay. You have hereby been authorized/guaranteed by the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) to commence towards completing this transaction, as there shall be NO delay once payment for the Approval Slip has been made to the authorized agent.
This letter will serve as proof that the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is authorizing you to pay the required US$300.00 ONLY to Mr. David Wills via information in which he shall send to you, if you do not receive your ATM CARD containing your funds in amount of US$800,000.00 we shall be held responsible for the loss and this shall invite a penalty of $3,000.00USD which will be made PAYABLE ONLY to you (The Beneficiary).
Once you have completed payment of US$300.00 to the agent in charge of this transaction, immediately contact me back so as to ensure your ATM CARD gets to you rapidly.
Mr. David Wills
Special Agent DHS.
Note: Do disregard any email you get from any impostor or office claiming to be in possession of your ATM CARD, you are advised only to be in contact with Mr. David Wills of the ATM CARD CENTER who is the rightful person you are suppose to deal with in regards your ATM CARD PAYMENT and forward any email you get from any impostors to this office so we could act upon and commence investigation.
The doorbell rang, it was after dinner, and we figured it was our son coming by, so we ran to the door. No-one there, but we can see back of the UPS man trying to cross to his vehicle on the other side of the road, and there is a small package on our porch.
I was briefly disappointed, but not for long. The package was a book I had pre-ordered:
I don’t often order a hardcover book; I don’t care that much. Most of the time. Now Stieg Larsson is another story. His last book, The Girl Who Played With Fire, was a cliff-hanger, which I read while waiting to move in to our house, while it was being rewired. I could hardly wait to find out how everything resolves, so I pre-ordered from Amazon, and started reading as soon as I had opened the box.
This time, I couldn’t wait for the paperback edition.
I love A-Word-A-Day. This morning, I read it aloud to AdventureMan – who knew? Who knew that tabby cats got their name from a cloth which was named for a district in Baghdad named after Prince Attab? You can subscribe to this daily e-mail by clicking on the blue type above. It’s free. Amazing, huh?
with Anu Garg
1. A domestic cat with a striped or brindled coat.
2. A domestic cat, especially a female one.
3. A spinster.
4. A spiteful or gossipy woman.
5. A fabric of plain weave.
6. A watered silk fabric.
7. A building material made of lime, oyster shells, and gravel.
For 1-6: From French tabis, from Medieval Latin attabi, from Arabic attabi, from al-Attabiya, a suburb of Baghdad, Iraq, where silk was made, from the name of Prince Attab. Cats got the name tabby after similarity of their coats to the cloth; the derivations of words for females are probably from shortening of the name Tabitha.
For 7: From Gullah tabi, ultimately from Spanish tapia (wall).
“I was playing whist with the tabbies when it occurred, and saw nothing of the whole matter.”
Charles James Lever; Jack Hinton, the Guardsman; 1857.
“Kay Sekimachi uses tabby and twill weaving to contrast black and beige linens.”
Stunning 30-year Retrospective at San Jose Museum of Quilts Textiles; Independent Coast Observer (California); Jan 4, 2008.
“Mayor Carl Smith suggested that tabby fence posts be used around the cemetery’s perimeter because the oyster-based concrete would better fit the island’s character.”
Jessica Johnson; Group Restoring Cemetery; The Post and Courier (South Carolina); Jan 21, 2010.
This is an excerpt from Worst Drivers in America By State on AOL’s Wallet Pop:
GMAC’s sixth annual survey quizzed more than 5,200 licensed Americans from across the country on their driving knowledge and New York drivers fared the worst for the second year in a row, with an average score of 70 percent. That’s more than six percentage points below the national average score of 76.2 percent. New Jersey residents shouldn’t laugh too loudly at their neighbor’s expense. Garden State drivers finished second to last. Kansas, on the other hand, proved to be the best place to drive with a score of 82.3 percent. Oregon, South Dakota, Minnesota, Iowa and Nebraska drivers were also among the best performers on the survey.
Overall, though, the findings were pretty dismal. The study found that “nearly 1 in 5 licensed drivers — roughly 38 million Americans — would not pass a written drivers test exam if taken today.” A whopping 85 percent could not identify the correct action to take when approaching a steady yellow traffic light (hint: it involves the brake pedal). Many drivers also remained uncertain about safe following distances.
Nationally, the average score slipped from 76.2 percent from 76.6 percent. “When analyzed regionally, the results reveal that drivers in the Northeast may not be as road-rule savvy as their Midwestern counterparts,” according to GMAC’s press release. “The Northeast had the lowest average test scores (74.9 percent) and had the highest failure rate (25.1 percent). The Midwest region had the highest average test scores (77.5 percent) and the lowest failure rates (11.9 percent).”
Some other notable trends: Older drivers outperformed younger ones and men did better on the test than women but also flunked it at a higher rate. One-in-four drivers admitted that they did “distracting behaviors” such as selecting music on their iPhones, applying make-up or reading, though only 5 percent admitted to text-ing while driving.
(See full article from WalletPop: http://srph.it/ahqOZM)
2010 GMAC Insurance Driver’s Test Results
(Ranked in order of worst drivers by state to best drivers by state)
Scoring is from 1 to 100 on a 20 question test.
1. (WORST) New York – 70.0
2. New Jersey – 70.5
3. Dist. of Columbia – 71.9
4. California – 73.3
5. Rhode Island – 73.8
6. Louisiana – 74.1
7. West Virginia – 74.8
7. Hawaii – 74.8
9. New Hampshire – 74.9
9. Kentucky – 74.9
11. Florida – 75.2
12. Mississippi – 75.6
13. Pennsylvania – 75.8
13. Massachusetts – 75.8
15. North Carolina – 75.9
15. Arkansas – 75.9
17. Texas – 76.0
18. Connecticut – 76.3
19. Illinois – 76.6
20. Georgia – 76.7
21. Alabama – 77.1
22. South Carolina – 77.2
23. New Mexico – 77.3
24. Virginia – 77.5
24. Ohio – 77.5
26. Maine – 77.6
26. Delaware – 77.6
28. Colorado – 77.8
29. Utah- 77.9
30. Vermont – 78.1
30. Nevada – 78.1
32. Maryland – 78.2
33. Tennessee – 78.3
34. Wyoming – 78.4
35. Arizona – 78.5
36. Missouri – 78.8
37. Michigan – 79.0
38. North Dakota – 79.1
39. Oklahoma – 79.3
40. Wisconsin – 79.4
40. Washington – 79.4
42. Alaska – 79.8
43. Montana – 80.0
44. Idaho – 80.1
45. Indiana – 80.4
46. Nebraska – 80.5
47. Iowa – 80.8
48. Minnesota – 81.1
49. South Dakota – 81.2
50. Oregon – 82.1
51. (BEST) Kansas 82.3
See full article from WalletPop: http://srph.it/ahqOZM
Florida – where I am living now – is the 11th WORST state in the nation. . . .
Thank you, Kit-Cat! Some of these are really, really BAD.
Puns for those with a Higher IQ
(That would be you and me, of course)
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding – A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.
What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead give away.)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia – the LAN down under.
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted – ‘Taint yours and ‘taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
A pun is its own reword.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Has there ever been any other mention of the failed coup attempt? Is the the one that was purported to have taken place late last summer?
Emir pardons Saudi prisoners
Doha: In response to a desire by the Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz of Saudi Arabia, the Emir H H Sheikh Hamad bin Khalifa Al Thani has issued an Emiri decision pardoning a number of Saudi nationals sentenced for their involvement in the failed coup attempt to destabilise security and stability in Qatar.
Those released left the country yesterday accompanying the Saudi Deputy Commander of the National Guard for Executive Affairs, Prince Mit’ib bin Abdulaziz, an official source at the Foreign Ministry said in a statement.
The Saudi king later expressed his profound appreciation of the Emir’s decision. The king praised the strong relations of kinship and good neighbourliness that bind the people of the two countries.