Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

Understanding Engineers

Thank you, KitKat, for sending me these. Nice to start the day with a grin! 🙂

One:

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
“Where did you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
“Take what you want.”

The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn’t have fit.”

Understanding Engineers – Take Two:

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to
be.

Understanding Engineers – Take Three:

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!”

The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such
ineptitude!”

The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word
with him.” [dramatic pause] “Hi George, say, what’s with that group
ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”

The greens keeper replied, “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind
firefighters lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last
year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, “That’s so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor said, “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”

The engineer said, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”

Understanding Engineers – Take Four:

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding
a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their
multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone
else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they
called on the retired engineer who had solved so
many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying
the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small “x” in chalk
on a particular component of the machine and stated, “This is where your
problem is.” The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly
again.

The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his
service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly: “One chalk mark, $1.00. Knowing where
to put it $49, 999.00.”

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

Understanding Engineers – Take Five:

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers – Take Six:

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, “It was a mechanical
engineer. Just look at all the joints. ”

Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections.”

The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

Understanding Engineers – Take Seven:

Normal people believe that …if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

Engineers believe that: “…if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough
features yet.”-Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

Understanding Engineers – Take Eight:

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the
passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, “I like both.”

The others: “Both?”

Engineer: “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the
lab and get some work done.”

Understanding Engineers – Take Nine:

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up
again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog
out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog
then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll
stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the engineer took the
frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the
frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess,
that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t
you kiss me?”

The engineer said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”

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September 27, 2007 - Posted by | Building, Communication, Cross Cultural, Education, Entertainment, Humor, Joke

12 Comments »

  1. ahem 😀

    Comment by EniGma | September 27, 2007 | Reply

  2. Oh EnigMa, I laughed so hard when I saw your comment. Thank YOU!

    And I wonder how these engineer jokes apply to women – there must be other applications . . . .

    Comment by intlxpatr | September 27, 2007 | Reply

  3. lol..funny 😛

    Comment by Я | September 27, 2007 | Reply

  4. I KNEW you would comment, Я! I loved the half-empty one. Engineers have their own unique way of viewing the world!

    Comment by intlxpatr | September 27, 2007 | Reply

  5. I find engineers intriguing…

    Comment by chikapappi | September 27, 2007 | Reply

  6. LOOL. Nice laugh. Especially number 7 😉

    Comment by maryam | September 27, 2007 | Reply

  7. Chikapappi – They have their own way of thinking, very practical, very literal.

    Maryam – LooooLLLL. Your blog is fascinating! 🙂

    Comment by intlxpatr | September 27, 2007 | Reply

  8. Being married to an engineer, I found these right on-target! Thank you, and I will now see if he can appreciate them! 🙂

    Comment by carly | September 27, 2007 | Reply

  9. Carly – I am guessing he will have a puzzled look and say “yes, but what is funny about that?” They think WE are the different ones!

    Comment by intlxpatr | September 28, 2007 | Reply

  10. Very funny, because of the “grain” of truth in each. Am forwarding to all the engineers I know and love, especially our Industrial Engineer children who should especially appreciate the analysis of the water and glass situation 🙂

    Comment by grammy | September 28, 2007 | Reply

  11. Welcome, grammy! You are in my heart and prayers, always.

    Comment by intlxpatr | September 28, 2007 | Reply

  12. […]Mr Justice Akenhead concluded that Jackson’s complaints were unfounded. There was clearly a dispute between the parties on the value of the entirety of the account over which the adjudicator had jurisdiction to decide. The £300,000 claim for delay and disruption was contained within the variation account and, in the judge’s view, this was not so nebulous or ill-defined as to be incapable of giving rise to a dispute.[…]

    Comment by Construction News: Rights and remedies: VGC Construction -v- Jackson Civil Engineering | September 27, 2008 | Reply


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