Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

Smart Mouth Jokes

These jokes were sent in by a faithful reader. Honestly, I debated with myself, but I was laughing so hard my resistance was low. Here they are, and thank you – you know who you are. 🙂

It was mealtime during a flight on American Airlines.
“Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
“What are my choices?” John asked.
“Yes or no,” she replied.

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.”

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn ‘ t find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy replied, “No ma ‘ am, they ‘ re dead.”

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
“I ‘ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.
The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway.
A sign comes up that reads, “Low Bridge Ahead”
Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up.
The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?”
The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam.

“Now class, I won ‘ t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”

February 5, 2008 - Posted by | Humor, Joke, Words


  1. loooooooooooooooooool, I really need this. Thanks for posting it and thanks to person who sent to you.

    Comment by Bader | February 5, 2008 | Reply

  2. The last one is HILARIOUS!!!!

    Comment by Hamitaf La BookaY | February 5, 2008 | Reply

  3. loool I love them!

    Comment by N. | February 6, 2008 | Reply

  4. Heee heee heeee!

    Comment by intlxpatr | February 6, 2008 | Reply

  5. LOOL i liked #5 and #3 the most. maybe 3 wud work next time i get a speeding ticket 😛

    Comment by Fonzy | February 6, 2008 | Reply

  6. I think it would have to be a cop with a sense of humor, Fonzy! Seen many of those recently?

    Comment by intlxpatr | February 6, 2008 | Reply

  7. My goodness i haven’t laughed that hard in a long time! Thanks for making my day.

    Comment by Cookie | October 11, 2008 | Reply

  8. LOL! the last one is bloody hilarious! my cheeks hurt from laughing so much! HAHAHAHAHA….
    the cop and the boy one was pritty funny, i wounder what would happen if you acually sed that so a cop?

    Comment by Bigbird... | July 17, 2010 | Reply

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