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Word Lovers: New LOLs from the Washington Post

Thank you, KitKat, for your always great contributions:

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post’s Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year’s winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of having sex.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an a$$hole.

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March 22, 2009 Posted by | Communication, Cultural, Humor, Language, Words | 16 Comments

The REAL French Aioli Sauce

My beautiful French friend looked at me sadly, considering how to deliver the bad news in the most gracious way possible.

“Yes, Intlxpatr, it is a very delicious garlic mayonnaise, but . . . it is NOT aioli,” she said, regretfully honoring France and all of French tradition. “The real aioli uses potato, and has a totally different texture from this mayonnaise.”

Back a long time ago, I published instructions for making your own mayonnaise, aioli and rouille and it has been one of my all time high statistics grabbers. How embarrasing to be so wrong!

But I am not alone. This morning as I went looking for “real” French aioli, it wasn’t until page 3 I found this recipe, which sounds very close to what I remember eating down in Les Leques, as we stayed in a family hotel on the beach and ate breakfast and dinner with all the French families. Aioli is both the name of a dish – a white fish, usually cod, served with vegetables and a huge bowl of garlic sauce – and also the name of the sauce itself. We adore both.

Here is the recipe I found for REAL French aioli found in a recipe site called Big Oven:

INGREDIENTS
6 Cloves garlic; peeled
1/2 c Pine nuts
3 Potatoes-boiled; peeled
1 Juice of a lemon
1/4 c Olive oil
1 Egg; lightly beaten

INSTRUCTIONS

Combine the garlic and the nuts in a blender or food processor and puree.

Add the potatoes, and puree.

Pour potato mixture into a bowl and, using a wisk, beat in the lemon juice, a bit at a time.

Gradually add the olive oil in a thin stream while continuing to beat so oil combines with potato mixture. When oil has been absorbed, add the egg and beat well.

Giovanni de Bourbon

Most of the other recipes that sound the most authentic start with garlic crushed in a mortar and pestle, ground together with salt, then the oil added drop by drop until a thick mixture is obtained. Those are the basics – where to go from there seems to be evolving away from the original Provencal recipes.

March 22, 2009 Posted by | ExPat Life, Food, France, Friends & Friendship, Kuwait, Recipes | 10 Comments