Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

Groaners!

Oh! You’re going to love these! Thank you, Doha friend, for sending these. 🙂 AdventureMan and Daggero are going to love them!

GROANERS

1) King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war
with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates,
the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to
Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, “I’ll give you
100,000 dinars for it.” But I paid a million dinars for it,” the King
protested. “Don’t you know who I am? I am the king!” Croesus replied, “When
you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.”

2) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed
in a fire, so we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

3) A man rushed into a busy doctor’s office and shouted, “Doctor! I think
I’m shrinking!!” The doctor calmly responded, “Now, settle down. You’ll just
have to be a little patient.”

4) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins
that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day,
his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On
the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he
gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with
transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

5) Back in the 1800’s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to
produce other products and, since they already made watch cases, they used
them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that people often
ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the
origin of the expression, “He who has a Tates is lost!”

6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and
urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, “We have
absolutely nothing to go on.”

7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.
After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of
elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and
swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man
returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, “The
thong is ended, but the malady lingers on.”

8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name
missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the
local civic official who apologized profusely saying, “I must have taken
Leif off my census.”

9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on an
elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became
pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the
hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the
hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

10) A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies
with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a
particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the
anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and
said, “Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?”

March 25, 2009 Posted by | Humor, Joke, Words | 8 Comments

A Modern Parable

Thank you, Anita!

A MODERN PARABLE . .

A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (Ford) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.

Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.

They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team’s management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents, and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the ‘Rowing Team Quality First Program,’ with meetings, dinners, and free pens for the rower There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes, and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and cancelled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year’s racing team was out-sourced to India.

Sadly, The End.

Here’s something else to think about:
Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US, claiming they can’t make money paying American wages.

TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US. The last quarter’s results:

TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses.

Ford folks are still scratching their heads.

March 25, 2009 Posted by | Bureaucracy, Character, Community, Cross Cultural, Financial Issues, Interconnected, Joke, Leadership, Social Issues | 3 Comments

Space Storm Alert: 90 Seconds from Catastrophe

A fascinating article from New Scientist passed along by Law and Order Man. Thanks for a very scary article. 😦

According to the NAS report, a severe space weather event in the US could induce ground currents that would knock out 300 key transformers within about 90 seconds, cutting off the power for more than 130 million people (see map). From that moment, the clock is ticking for America.

First to go – immediately for some people – is drinkable water. Anyone living in a high-rise apartment, where water has to be pumped to reach them, would be cut off straight away. For the rest, drinking water will still come through the taps for maybe half a day. With no electricity to pump water from reservoirs, there is no more after that.

There is simply no electrically powered transport: no trains, underground or overground. Our just-in-time culture for delivery networks may represent the pinnacle of efficiency, but it means that supermarket shelves would empty very quickly – delivery trucks could only keep running until their tanks ran out of fuel, and there is no electricity to pump any more from the underground tanks at filling stations.

Back-up generators would run at pivotal sites – but only until their fuel ran out. For hospitals, that would mean about 72 hours of running a bare-bones, essential care only, service. After that, no more modern healthcare.

72 hours of healthcare remaining
The truly shocking finding is that this whole situation would not improve for months, maybe years: melted transformer hubs cannot be repaired, only replaced. “From the surveys I’ve done, you might have a few spare transformers around, but installing a new one takes a well-trained crew a week or more,” says Kappenman. “A major electrical utility might have one suitably trained crew, maybe two.”

Within a month, then, the handful of spare transformers would be used up. The rest will have to be built to order, something that can take up to 12 months.

Even when some systems are capable of receiving power again, there is no guarantee there will be any to deliver. Almost all natural gas and fuel pipelines require electricity to operate. Coal-fired power stations usually keep reserves to last 30 days, but with no transport systems running to bring more fuel, there will be no electricity in the second month.

You can read the entire, very scary article, by clicking NEW SCIENTIST

March 25, 2009 Posted by | Community, Health Issues, Interconnected, Living Conditions, Technical Issue | Leave a comment

Al Kout Festival

Wooo HOOOO! An event we know about BEFORE it happens!

March 31 and April 1, 11am -7pm. American University of Kuwait, Salmiya Campus

The Arabian Heritage Project is proud to present “Al-Kout Festival”
(Old Kuwait Festival) an event being held to celebrate the grand opening of the
Arabian Heritage Project, a research, archival, and outreach center dedicated to
promoting and fostering the heritage of the Peninsula and related cultures.
Two days of celebration from 11 am till 7 pm at the American University Of
Kuwait campus in Salmiya. The event will include National Museum Exhibits, live
performances by Kuwaiti traditional bands (Bin Hussein and Mayouf), Sawt
musicians, Bedouin poetry, Kuwaiti History Game Show, distinguished live
Craftsmen, a Bazaar, old Kuwaiti cars, refreshments; basically a chance to
experience authentic Kuwaiti Tradition and Culture at its best.

The Festival opens at 11am, performances (Kuwaiti Sawt musicians, poetry,
Kuwaiti music piano recital, etc.) begin at noon. Sea bands begin at 5pm each
day.

Please note, parking is limited. Carpooling is advised.

March 25, 2009 Posted by | Adventure, Arts & Handicrafts, Beauty, Community, Cross Cultural, ExPat Life, Kuwait | 5 Comments

Light Haze My Foot!

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The sun is a mere light dot in the sky, small, impotent, far away and struggling to break through the “light haze.” The “light haze” is so think that I can only see a couple hundred meters off the shore, and my head is thick and it is harder to breathe this morning. I have a very bad feeling about this “light haze.”

March 25, 2009 Posted by | ExPat Life, Health Issues, Living Conditions, Weather | 2 Comments