Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

Family Jokes

To wile away those last few minutes before breaking the fast, and divert your attention, here are a few jokes I got in my mail today, family kind of jokes that made me smile:

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor’s office, a woman rolled an elderly man
in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist’s desk, the man sat there,
alone and silent. J ust as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped
off his mother’s lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man’s,
he said, ‘I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too.’.

As I was nursing my baby, my cousin’s six-year-old daughter, Krissy,

came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was

intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After

mulling over my answers, she remarked, ‘My mom has some of those, but I don’t

think she knows how to use them.’

*****

Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn,

I got a little wistful. ‘In ten years,’ I said, ‘you’ll want to be with your

friends and you won’t go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now.

Carolyn shrugged. ‘In ten years you’ll be too old to do all those things

anyway.’

******

Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving

immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give

four-year-old Lizzie her needle. ‘No, no, no!’ she screamed. ‘Lizzie,’ scolded

her mother, ‘that’s not polite behavior.’ With that, the girl yelled even

louder, ‘No, thank you! No, thank you!

******

On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question.

‘Dad, I know that babies come from mommies’ tummies, but how do they get there

in the first place?’ he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed awhile,

my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. ‘You don’t have to make something up,

Dad. It’s OK if you don’t know the answer.’

*****

Just before I was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old son down

and broke the news to him. ‘I’m going to be away for a long time,’ I told him.

‘I’m going to Iraq .’ ‘Why?’ he asked. ‘Don’t you know there’s a war going

on over there?’

*****

Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with

cancer, AIDS and blood diseases. One afternoon he and his wife, Joanne

Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table,

suspecting the young patients wouldn’t know that Newman was a famous movie star,

explained, ‘That’s the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you’ve seen his

picture on his salad dressing bottle?’ Blank stares. ‘Well, you’ve probably seen

his face on his lemonade carton.’ An eight-year-old girl perked up. ‘How long

was he missing?’

*****

God’s Problem Now.

His wife’s grave side service was just barely finished, when there was a massive

clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even

more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor

and calmly said, ‘Well, she’s there.

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September 1, 2009 - Posted by | Community, Family Issues, Humor

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