Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

I Wish I’d Hugged Her

The phone rang, late for most of my friends. We rarely talk after nine. It was one of my quilting sisters, calling to tell me one of our members had collapsed and died.

I sat down. Why would my friend say such a thing? On the other hand, when I saw her – just three days ago – she wasn’t looking too good, had one of those allergies or things we all get during this time when the temperatures may be in the 40’s or in the high 70’s. But she did make it to the meeting, and we all have bad days, don’t we?

My friend said she would let me know as soon as she knew the arrangements. I think I was a little dazed, a little in shock. I remember when I got the call my Dad had died, it’s like I can’t integrate things all at once, it takes me a while for things to sink in.

I wish I’d hugged her. She’s a lady I really like, talented, wry, funny. We talked, briefly at the meeting, but then the meeting went into full swing and I didn’t really talk with her again. I wish I’d hugged her.

November 15, 2011 - Posted by | Circle of Life and Death, Family Issues, Friends & Friendship, Health Issues, Interconnected, Relationships


  1. Oh hon I’m so sorry, may her soul rests in peace 😦
    I remember a quote I once read, about saying a proper good bye to the people you love before you depart since you can’t know for sure if you will see them again. We lead hectic lives now a days and we don’t have time to stop and say a proper good bye for sure. But I am sure when you see her in the funeral she will be there and will be able to listen to your words when you say good bye one final time…

    Comment by Danderma | November 15, 2011 | Reply

  2. Oh Danderma, you know exactly what comforting words to say. Thank you. You are truly a treasured blogging sister. 🙂

    Comment by intlxpatr | November 15, 2011 | Reply

  3. Now it’s you who needs the hug – (X) a hug from me. Our prayers our with you in this time of grief.

    Comment by bitjockey | November 15, 2011 | Reply

  4. When my dad died, I was here in Kuwait and I hadn’t spoken to him on the phone for a few weeks. I felt really really bad that I hadn’t just called him. We all have regrets – it’s part of life. You can’t go back and change the past and I’m sure your friend knows/knew that you loved her. Love is like a blanket that surrounds us; and I am sure she received your “virtual hugs” even if it wasn’t in person.

    Comment by Desert Girl | November 15, 2011 | Reply

  5. I do, Ken. I feel so sad. This woman has a husband who adored her, took care of her, you could see they really really liked and cared about each other. I feel so sorry for him; I can imagine if I am in shock, he is probably in full blown denial. I wish I had known her better; I liked what I knew a lot.

    Desert Girl – As I read your entry, I could hear my sister – she calls the so called ‘Circle of LIfe’ the ‘Circle of Death.’ You are right – it is all about regrets, and the end of earthly possibilities. As believers, we know that those who go ahead of us are the lucky ones; it’s those left behind who grieve. I know my friend is rejoicing. I know I should rejoice. Maybe tomorrow. . . I’m so sorry about your Dad. He knows. He knows.

    Comment by intlxpatr | November 15, 2011 | Reply

  6. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend, may her soul rest in peace . Lots of love and a big hug.

    Comment by Hayfa | November 15, 2011 | Reply

  7. Big hug back to you, sweet friend. . . 🙂

    Comment by intlxpatr | November 15, 2011 | Reply

  8. For, death is so final. I know that sounds redundant and obvious but one day someone is here. The next they’re gone…forever. Its really mind blowing and humbling.

    Comment by Suwannee Refugee | November 20, 2011 | Reply

  9. You totally nailed it, Suwanee. No lingering farewell, just GONE. It’s stunning, in the worst way.

    Comment by intlxpatr | November 20, 2011 | Reply

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